With
the
long-rumoured

Oblivion
remaster
allegedly
dropping
tomorrow
(unless
Todd
Howard
is
playing
4D
chess
again),
it’s
time
to
revisit
one
of
the
most
beloved
RPGs
of
all
time.
While
The
Elder
Scrolls
IV:
Oblivion
is
famous
for
its
main
questline
involving
portals
to
hell,
Daedric
princes,
and
the
ever-enthusiastic
Martin
Septim,
it’s
the
side
quests
that
truly
gave
the
game
its
heart—and
frequent
moments
of
hilarious
weirdness.

From
shady
dealings
in
Skingrad
to
trippy
dreamscapes
in
Bruma,
Oblivion,
along
with
its
expansions
Shivering
Isles
and
Knights
of
the
Nine
–
both
of
which
are
said
to
be
included
in
the
remaster
–
offered
some
of
the
most
memorable
and
creative
diversions
in
RPG
history.
Here’s
my
top
ten
best
side
quests
you
absolutely
shouldn’t
skip
(again).

1.
Whodunit?

Location:
Dark
Brotherhood
Questline

How
to
Start:
Join
the
Dark
Brotherhood
by
killing
an
innocent
NPC
and
sleeping.
Given
by
Ocheeva
in
Cheydinhal.

Why
It’s
Great:
It’s
“Clue,”
if
you
were
the
killer
and
also
extremely
committed
to
your
craft.
Locked
in
a
mansion
with
five
guests,
your
task
is
simple:
murder
everyone
without
raising
suspicion.
It’s
a
delightfully
wicked
sandbox
of
stealth,
manipulation,
and
social
deduction—and
arguably
the
most
fun
you’ll
ever
have
committing
serial
murder.

2.
The
Ultimate
Heist

Location:
Thieves
Guild
Final
Quest

How
to
Start:
Complete
the
Thieves
Guild
questline.

Why
It’s
Great:
Stealing
an
Elder
Scroll
isn’t
just
any
Tuesday
night
crime—it’s
the
ultimate
flex.
This
capstone
to
the
Thieves
Guild
is
a
complex,
high-stakes
infiltration
of
the
Imperial
Palace.
It’s
got
riddles,
traps,
and
some
very
tense
sneaking.
Honestly,
you’ll
feel
like
a
medieval
Ocean’s
Eleven
(if
Danny
Ocean
were
a
Khajiit
in
a
hood).

3.
A
Brush
With
Death

Location:
Cheydinhal

How
to
Start:
Speak
to
Tivela
Lythandas
in
Cheydinhal
to
find
her
missing
painter
husband.

Why
It’s
Great:
You
literally
jump
into
a
painting.
The
game
turns
into
an
oil-painted
dreamscape,
where
you
battle
goblin-like
creatures
with
a
magical
paintbrush.
It’s
whimsical,
weird,
and
proves
Oblivion
was
never
afraid
to
let
its
freak
flag
fly.
Plus,
it’s
probably
the
only
quest
in
gaming
where
Bob
Ross
could
have
been
the
final
boss.
Remember,
there
are
no
mistakes,
just
happy
little
stabbings.

4.
Through
A
Nightmare,
Darkly

Location:
Bruma

How
to
Start:
Speak
with
Kurdan
gro-Dragol
at
the
Jerall
View
Inn.

Why
It’s
Great:
You
dive
into
a
man’s
troubled
dreams
to
rescue
him,
wandering
through
a
surreal
nightmare
landscape
full
of
haunting
imagery
and
metaphorical
monsters.
It’s
basically
Inception,
except
instead
of
a
totem,
you’ve
got
a
sword
and
no
one
explains
the
plot
five
times.
And
the
soundtrack
isn’t
composed
of
BRAAAMs.

5.
Everything
In
Its
Place
(Shivering
Isles
Expansion)

Location:
Crucible,
Shivering
Isles

How
to
Start:
Speak
with
the
OCD-riddled
Dunmer,
Shelden,
in
Crucible.

Why
It’s
Great:
The
Shivering
Isles
is
full
of
bizarre
citizens,
but
few
are
as
hilariously
obsessive
as
Shelden.
You’re
tasked
with
retrieving
items
he
believes
were
stolen—except
they
weren’t,
and
he
just
doesn’t
like
them
being
out
of
place.
It’s
a
textbook
case
of
madness,
but
the
kind
that
ends
in
laughter,
not
horror.

6.
Paranoia

Location:
Skingrad

How
to
Start:
Talk
to
Glarthir,
a
suspicious
Wood
Elf
lurking
around
town.

Why
It’s
Great:
This
quest
is
a
descent
into
delusion—only
it’s
someone
else’s.
Glarthir
thinks
the
whole
town
is
conspiring
against
him,
and
he
wants
your
help
to
prove
it.
Do
you
aid
his
madness
or
turn
him
in?
It’s
one
of
the
funniest,
darkest,
and
most
unpredictable
quests
in
the
game.
Bonus:
you’ll
never
look
at
a
Skingrad
citizen
the
same
again.

7.
The
Collector

Location:
Imperial
City,
Talos
Plaza
District

How
to
Start:
Speak
to
Umbacano,
a
charmingly
shady
Altmer
noble.

Why
It’s
Great:
A
long
treasure
hunt
across
Ayleid
ruins
that
eventually
devolves
into
a
classic
case
of
“rich
guy
lies
to
adventurer.”
It
mixes
exploration,
archaeology,
and
betrayal
in
perfect
Elder
Scrolls
fashion.
Plus,
Umbacano’s
smug
voice
alone
makes
the
whole
thing
worth
it.

8.
The
Fork
Of
Horripilation
(Shivering
Isles
Expansion)

Location:
Bliss,
New
Sheoth

How
to
Start:
Speak
to
Big
Head,
a
mad
Argonian
with
an
unhealthy
obsession,
in
Bliss.

Why
It’s
Great:
Big
Head
has
lost
his
precious
Fork
of
Horripilation,
and
he
needs
it
back.
Not
wants—needs.
You’re
tasked
with
retrieving
this
utterly
useless
piece
of
cutlery,
because
clearly,
the
fate
of
the
Isles
depends
on
it.
The
quest
is
a
masterclass
in
ridiculousness,
wrapped
in
layers
of
madness,
and
capped
off
with
one
of
the
most
bizarre
characters
in
the
game.
It’s
wonderfully
pointless
in
all
the
right
ways—exactly
what
you’d
expect
from
Sheogorath’s
realm.

9.
The
Siren’s
Deception

Location:
Anvil

How
to
Start:
Speak
to
Maelona
outside
the
Count’s
Arms
in
Anvil.

Why
It’s
Great:
A
trio
of
suspiciously
friendly
women
lure
you
to
a
secluded
farmhouse,
and—surprise!—you’re
ambushed
by
a
gang
of
bandits
dressed
like
they
just
walked
off
the
set
of
Skyrim:
Love
Island.
This
quest
is
part
cautionary
tale,
part
crime
drama,
and
all
hilariously
over-the-top.
The
setup
is
cheesy,
the
twist
is
absurd,
and
the
loot
isn’t
bad
either.
It’s
one
of
those
rare
moments
where
Oblivion
winks
at
you
and
says,
“Yeah,
we
know.”

10.
Mazoga
The
Orc

Location:
Leyawiin

How
to
Start:
Speak
to
Count
Marius
Caro
in
Leyawiin
Castle.

Why
It’s
Great:
Mazoga
seems
like
your
typical
grumpy
Orc,
but
beneath
the
tough
exterior
is
a
surprisingly
noble
character
arc.
Help
her
become
a
true
knight
in
an
unexpectedly
touching
series
of
quests.
It’s
a
great
reminder
that
Oblivion
was
never
afraid
to
challenge
fantasy
tropes—even
if
it
did
it
with
all
the
subtlety
of
a
warhammer
to
the
face.