J JONAH JAMESON: Welcome to "Just The Facts" with J

Jonah Jameson, alerting the fine citizens of New York City to the threats they don't even know about, namely that menace, Spider-Man Our first caller is What did you say your name was? SPIDER-MAN: Hi

This is Peter Patterson Don't you think you're a little hard on Spider-Man? J

JONAH JAMESON: Let me tell you something, Patterson, Spider-Man treats New York City as his own personal playground Just yesterday I saw him doing back flips and 360s Disgraceful Running and crawling on buildings In fact, I have it on good authority that he's been doing swan dives off of skyscrapers

Seems the more confident he gets, the more creative he gets Walk like a normal person! SPIDER-MAN: Come on, what's wrong with a little sightseeing? New York is super diverse and constantly changing Maybe he's just looking for vantage points to monitor crime? J JONAH JAMESON: Crime he's causing you mean Sources tell me he has backpacks filled with who-knows-what hidden throughout the city, unauthorized research stations

Get a permit like the rest of us, loser! Ever since he came on to the scene prancing around like an 80's action hero, gangs have been setting up shop using warehouses, construction sites and rooftops as bases of operation, putting lives at risk Who does he think he is? "Spider cop?" SPIDER-MAN: I really feel like he's trying to help people J JONAH JAMESON: I don't want to hear it The fine people of New York deserve better

SPIDER-MAN: My Uncle once said, "With great power, there must also come great responsibility" Maybe this is just his way of growing into the hero he wants to be And from what I've seen, the people seem to be A-OK with that J JONAH JAMESON: Agree to disagree, Patterson

Spider-Man only cares about one thing: Himself! Jameson out