J JONAH JAMESON: Welcome to "Just the Facts" with J

Jonah Jameson, the only show willing the drop truth bombs on our so-called "hero," Spider-Man On the phone we have SPIDER-MAN: Your friendly, neighborhood anonymous citizen

J JONAH JAMESON: Okay, "citizen," tell me Have you noticed the insane uptick in crime since Spider-Man entered the picture? Why, my sources confirm that just yesterday there was a store robbery, a shootout, and a runaway vehicle, all in the same day And what do you think they all had in common? That menace in tights, Spider-Man SPIDER-MAN: Well, did you think that maybe he was trying to help? It feels like there's more and more crime everyday and — J

JONAH JAMESON: I'll say And it's all because Spider-Man thinks he's some kind of Spider-Cop You know what cops don't do? Escalate things But, no, not Spider-Man He runs around causing chaos, wearing a mask and a costume to feed his gigantic, insatiable ego

In fact, he's been seen wearing several Pick a look! SPIDER-MAN: Maybe each suit serves a different purpose J JONAH JAMESON: What? Like granting him obnoxious sonic powers? Web spray? Holographic duplicates? Give me a break Listen, citizen

The police play by the book Spider-Man, he plays by his own rules SPIDER-MAN: Hey Where you going? J JONAH JAMESON: Sources tell me that he's running around town using unsanctioned experimental gadgets like trip mines, spider drones, and something called a "web bomb

" Where does he even get this stuff? SPIDER-MAN: Maybe he makes them himself J JONAH JAMESON: Hah Spiderman, the genius scientist? That'll be the day My point is that the fine men and women of our police force understand that crime can be resolved without constant mayhem

Sometimes a discrete approach yields better results By that I mean not putting citizens in harm's way SPIDER-MAN: Yeah But I doubt that's what he's trying to do I — I gotta go

J JONAH JAMESON: Caller?! Caller?! Apparently he had somewhere better to be SPIDER-MAN: Hey, big guy J JONAH JAMESON: Jameson out